The Farmer Woman vs. The Goat

The Farmer Woman and the goat did not get along well this morning. The goat has now regained her girlish figure after giving birth to a watermelon sized baby boy a few weeks ago. Now the goat is thin and can RUN with speed and agility, something she had been lacking over the last month or so. She is thin, so now she can slip through a hole in the fence gate. The Farmer Woman tries stacking rocks in the hole, but the goat knocks them over and comes out anyway. How can the goat be expected to stay in with a hillside of wild flowers and millions of tree leaves on the OUT side of the fence?

The goat's sides are thin again, but her udder is...uhhh...not so thin. And so the goat must be brought out of the fence every morning and put on the stanchion. Her herdmate, Oreo, endures this atrocity with style and grace, only asking for enough grain for 5 goats, brushing, petting, kisses, and an orange flavored chewable Vitamin C. Betty the goat is not so easily swayed.

Betty must be harassed onto the stanchion in the mornings, even though there is always grain waiting there. The goat's head is little, so the Farmer had to fix up something to make the head gate smaller after the goat wiggled her head out and took off the first day. Now the goat's head is STUCK in the headgate. But her feet are not stuck. Her legs are too small for the hobble.

So the goat dances. TAP, TAP, TAP, TAP, TAP, until the Farmer Man holds onto her legs and asks the Farmer Woman, "When is the smaller hobble coming?" The Farmer Children try to help by petting the goat, but sometimes this is no help at all, as children who are petting goats are not often calm. Likewise, goats who are being petted by children are also not often calm.

The Farmer Woman got a nifty milking machine that she uses to milk Oreo. She wishes it would work on Betty, but Betty does not wish for it to work on her, and so it doesn't. So the Farmer Woman spends the better part of half an hour with her head and shoulder in the side of a goat, milking an udder that does not wish to be milked, while the Farmer Man spends the better part of half an hour holding the legs of said goat, so that goat will not kick and dance and go generally insane at the thoughts of having milk removed from her.

The Farmer Woman says, "Betty we have to get some of this milk from you, or you might get sick." Betty does not believe it. The Farmer Woman says to the Farmer Man, "It will get better soon." The Farmer Man does not believe it.